Color outside the lines
I am increasingly unwilling to color inside the lines. For so much of my life, my goal was to make people feel comfortable with themselves and each other in the hopes that it would allow them to connect with others authentically.
Now, though I remain more committed than ever to fostering connection, I’m starting to see how we have to shake things up, that is, to avoid the comfort I used to seek. Comfort lulls us into complacency, the very opposite of what’s needed if anything is to change.
As part of a developmental community stewarded by Carol Sanford, I’ve been exploring the ways in which I conform to others’ expectations, both real and imagined, and the ways I allow old ideas on who I am and what I stand for to get in the way of who I am becoming and the ripples I want to make in the world.
When I think about the most disruptive moments in my life, I realize those were the precise moments when I was forced to shed my old skin and evolve. As a kid, I was an Air Force Brat. Each time we moved, I had to explore who I was in a whole new context with different social norms and power structures.
As a very young girl, I was cognizant that each of us is defined, in part, by the communities we find ourselves in. We do not exist in bubbles, but nested in groups (e.g., families, friend groups, school cohorts, faith communities, work colleagues). These groups can both support and hinder our development.
If you reflect on the big disruptions in your life, can you see how they changed you? Often the biggest disruptions are related to a break, voluntary or involuntary, from your tribe.
This year, I received the biggest, most difficult disruption of my life. After my husband’s cancer recurred, his oncologist told us we’re out of options. I was, and remain, shattered.
And yet, this news has propelled me to think differently about my work (in truth, to reexamine my whole life). I’ve always known time is limited, but I didn’t feel it. Now, each moment feels like a precious and fleeting gift to be honored — not to be wasted.
On the work front, I am deepening my commitment to my clients who are fighting the good fight, often in broken systems such as health care and education. I will support them, but I will also push them to push against the limitations of the systems they’re in. Though these systems, often bureaucracies that behave like juggernauts, may feel immovable, I will do my best to encourage people to contemplate how they can contribute to systems change, be it slow and incremental or swift and radical. Transformation, at any pace, is better than stagnation.
I am planning to create an online community where people can explore, develop, and refine their ideas to both catalyze personal development and inspire systems evolution. Stay tuned.
